Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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