just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
