don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
