I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
