i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize