she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
