ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
