butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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