can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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