Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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