my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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