his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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