Girls should come with a carfax report
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
