Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
