You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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