shes about as inviting as chlamydia
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
