My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Pants are for mortals
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
