I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just found puke in my bra..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need a beard to bite.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
