Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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