four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
