I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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