Just mADE A PArabola og urine
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
