I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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