3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
