fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
