tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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