I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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