im about as happy as oj after his trial
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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