I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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