we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
