mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
