It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
