Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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