you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize