it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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