I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize