mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
