Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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