Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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