Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
