I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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