If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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