The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
