Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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