i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
