took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
