Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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