When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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