you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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