There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
