and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
