I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
