It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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