No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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