didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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