the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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