I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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