well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish i was in the wii world.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
