I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
