I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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