He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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