JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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