I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
